early birthday present from the gun show

today my dad went to the gun show. my mom told him that he couldn't bring any guns or gun paraphernalia home, so instead he bought me presents.



first, i have a pitbull to add to my keychain. what do i do with it? "hold it in your hand when you're walking to the garage, and punch any mother---- that bothers you. heeheehee. they won't know what's coming!" said father in an ecstatic voice.

present number 2 is a stun gun. however, it is not just any stun gun. it has a flashlight on it as well. the ensuing conversation: "... you should stick it in the groin... that would be good..." and "... yeah i got a flashlight mother--- ... then i'll stun you..."

i think, however, his biggest concern is that i won't use it when i get the opportunity. he then explained how if i have a gun (which i refuse to try), i need to kill the person, not just wound him. if you shot him with 1 bullet, you use the next 5 to put in his head. i'm afraid of the sound of the stun gun, let alone using it. nonetheless, i'll put the stun gun in my car to make the parents happy.

i practiced my face with the new "toys."

here is the valerie "i'm going to eff you up" face:


i decided that wasn't very believable, and i probably look constipated more than anything else. i tried the valerie "i'm a cute furry animal psychopath that kills" smile:

i rock it. no one knows what is coming. everyone is intimidated i know.